The X Factor Philippines Recap – Bootcamp Days 1 and 2: KC finally gets to speak

I am back to watching The X Factor Philippines after weeks of not being able to take any more of Charice’s annoying antics. I am praying and hoping that she tones it down this time or at least have the editors show more of her non-annoying side.

Bootcamp! Because it’s Season 1 in the Philippines, KC of course has to explain everything including how people travel from their hometowns to the PAGCOR theater (which is through buses and planes. Duh). She also explains the dictionary meaning of bootcamp and why this round is called the bootcamp and, excuse me KC are you telling us we don’t know what bootcamp means?

X-Factor sends in Yeng Constantino to give a pre-bootcamp pep talk and of course she’s not allowed to mention the name of the show she came from because a rival group owns that show. Yeng is now looking all girly and curly, unlike her early post-PDA days. She sings a song and the nervous X Factor contestants applaud the singer-songwriter.

All the bootcampers gather on stage and wow it’s like there’s a thousand of them in the theater. The four judges talk to the group of 172 acts with Martin being his amboy self while Gary invokes his preacher tone. Charice and her blonde bangs talk with her accent about the bootcamp being the start of the real compeeteeshen and I am quite disappointed that Pilita is giving the fewest sound bites every time. She only says yes, thank you and other one liners anyone can say. I think she can be real hilarious if not edited mercilessly.

Per X Factor rules, the group is divided into 4 categories – boys, girls, groups and senior citizens aka above 25. The girls will all be tested in a very challenging song – Without You by Usher. (Or is this a David Guetta feat. Usher song?)

The boys are assigned to tackle Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka. Kedebon says he doesn’t really know the song and Jhervin is being slammed by the vocal coach for not knowing the words. The boys all act like they don’t know the song but who’s buying these lies? Who doesn’t know Tuwing Umuulan at Kapiling Ka?

The girls then start singing acapella one by one and they all sound like boys or Jessa Zaragoza or Osang because of the low keys they chose for themselves. Then the biriteras go one by one screaming Without Youuuuu over and over. And it’s a melisma festival.

Audition favorite Angelica Prado forgets the lyrics and what is this? The whole thing’s edited to show everyone just singing two or three words I can’t keep up. Stop stop! More shouting and kulots of Without You and I officially hate the song.

Charice says something but Gary totally ignores her by drinking water haha. Just kidding. He’s thirsty. Another favorite, KZ Tandingan of course gives a refreshing take on the song and I like the song again. I’m beginning to get convinced that KZ is really good even if I’m not really digging her style. Yet. My mind can be easily swayed.

Enter the Above 25 singers. The song assigned to them is It’s My Life by Bon Jovi and they all must have misheard Bon Jovi because they all sound like Jovit Baldivino including some girls. Why do they keep singing “I don’t wanna live without my life?” Who wants or can live without one’s life?

I’m noticing something here. Gary doesn’t look at Charice whenever Charice speaks and when Gary says something, he only looks at Martin and Pilita. Does he hate her? Does he secretly want to guest star on Glee?

And now we see the boys. Hope they don’t bore us to death with this ballad. Lots of Ogie Alcasid and Jay-R sound alikes. Some close their eyes and some pop their eyeballs open. It’s their technique I guess.

Big guy from Australia forgets all the words and he mixes it all up like he’s drunk from drinking Banayad Whisky. They all sound and look alike I’m getting so bored. Ok some performances are very painful. Aside from Ogie and Jay R clones, we also spot some guys doing Frankenstein versions of the song. Maybe it’s not their fault. I respect this song but I think it’s not the right song for this stage of the show.

Are we sure these people all passed the auditions? Lots of really bad performances. Not good if you’re trying to make a good impression.

“I don’t kehrrr!” exclaims Charice and there really is tension between him and Gary! Gary stop picking on Cha!

The producers choose Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga for the groups to sing and I can sense the bootcamper group that calls itself La Divadings jump up and down with their paws up. And now we start to see promise. These guys are the ones who look and sound impressive, so far. The beauty of being in a group is that others can serve as the instruments. The strong ones can also support and boost the weak ones.

But Gary, still unconvinced, is very cranky saying he’s not very impressed. Come on Gary they’re fine! Maybe you just hate Lady Gaga cause she’s the devil. Haha kidding. Gary wouldn’t think that, would he?

More airtime for KC yey! Maybe they finally realized this show has a host?

A lot of people now on the judges’ table trying to trim down to contestants so that they don’t have to pay for everyone’s food and accomodation. The judges plus the so called panel of experts discuss among themselves and Martin fights for someone who he thinks is profitable. Yeah he says that. Gary is still cranky and Charice’ bangs is starting to literally go kulot.

KC aka Captain obvious says the judges have made their decision and it’s time for some serious mass murdering of dreams.

And here we go. Gary sends a whole line of girls home. Charice also kills the dreams of about 20 people and they all hug KC and KC talks about trying again next year but we don’t even know if thos song will have a second season so we know it’s just BS from KC and not real advice. A bunch of guys’ heads roll as Pilita ends their journeys. Martin also diplomatically makes more people cry in disappointment and despair.

Charice fake cuts a bunch of girls who are really qualifiers for the next round. We hear delighted squeals when they hear the real news that they’re still in. And then we see another KZ exposure. Is KZ aka singing Melai Cantiveros the chosen one? The judges take turns giving the good news and big austalian guy makes it through even after butchering Basil Valdez’ song.

Attention stylists, the judges look oily. And my TV isn’t even HD.

We see more qualifiers like Osang, and old guard dude and Jhervin and Paolo Castro and OMG is that AJ Tabaldo from American Idol resurrected as Adrian Tabaldo? What are you doing here? Anyway,they all make it and so do more groups including La Divadings

From 172 they are now down to 68 acts. Good job on doing the math KC.

The judges dishes out their words of wisdom and Gary makes them raise their hands to stretch. And when he’s explaining the point of that stretching exercise, he gets cut. Intentionally I think. For drama.

And after the break, Gary tells them the next challenge is about dancing.

Day 2 and choreographer Joane Laygo leads the warm up exercises. Joane is semi pissed that Jerianne is late but not really. There goes nothing after a lot of teasers. Looks like the Jerianne incident was edited to look like a tense situation but it’s really worthless. If it was teacher Georcelle, she should be kalbo by now. I miss Georcelle who shreds bad dancers into pieces. That’s a lot more fun.

The contestants all dance the Jagger song fron The Voice. There’s a lot of awkwardness and big guy from Australia who’s also claiming so much airtime falls and we can tell that X Factor is just trying to create drama from even the slightest, most minor situations.

Everyone dances the Jagger song and of course, the acts from the Group category are the ones showing the best promise.

Gary shows off his biceps maybe because it’s too hot in the venue. Martin attempts to fake cut everybody onstage, but he gets cut and we see scenes for the next episode where everybody’s shown to be crying and having nervous breakdowns but seeing tonight’s episode, I’m sure those are just editing manipulations.

And then KC ends the show because that’s what she’s being paid to do.


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